Dream Fragment - Gigantic Contacts

Outside Marianist Hall, University of Dayton, a truck was parked. Pey Fong was trying to balance a gigantic contact lens, the diameter of his arm fully stretched, on the air currents generated by the device on the truck. There are several of such lenses, each beautiful painted with a different picture.

Dream Episode - Relationship of Utility

Day of dream: 10 January 2012 night

A charming man in his mid-thirties (?) was her boyfriend. As a dutiful girlfriend, she cleaned and cooked, and looked after his young children. He was often cold and distant, but he would always call if he needed help. Tough love, but it was love.

One evening, she got a text from him to go over to his house immediately. She was excited! She had not seen him in a long time and cannot wait to see him. She imagined an evening with the family, and a night of love-making after putting the children to bed. She packed her stuff in her tote and went over.

When she arrived at the door, the small apartment was a mess. The children were crying and screaming. The bed she imagined them bonding in was disgusting. She made a mental note to wash the linen the next morning. She put down her stuff and climbed onto the bed, despite being disgusted but the sweat-smell of the linen, and guided her man to make out and snuggle on the bed. The man struggled out of her gentle hold. He instructed her to do the laundry and take care of the children, make them stop screaming and crying because he needed to write.

She sat on the bed, stupefied. She finally realized that he was using her merely as a housemaid. He wouldn’t even have sex with her. Seeing things clearly, she stood up, picked up her bag and walked toward the door. She turned around, faced the stunned man and told him to call him when he needed a girlfriend and not a housemaid. She left without looking back.

Dream Episode - Concert Disappointment

Day of dream: 9 January 2012 night

There was a concert going on, possibly related to Christianity and/or the life of Jesus. I got the student-rush ticket, the most expensive category for the first-row seats. The seats are right in front of the stage facing the audience. To see the concert, I would have to turn around. When the show was starting, the front two facing the stage was not yet occupied. I moved over. The concert started. Actors young and old got on stage. The children were holding flimsy cardboard signs. There was the impression that there were too many people on stage.

After a short performance of 15 minutes, the show stopped, supposedly for intermission. As everyone stood to leave for a break, the director got on stage and dismissed everyone, explaining that the show is cancelled because she had planned the show for a much bigger stage than that one. Discontent filled the air…

Dream Episode - Will You Marry Me

Day of dream: 26 December 2011 night

I was getting married, although I for some reason, I was hesitant. It was my boyfriend’s rushed decision. My boyfriend proposed that we get married immediately and I agreed. Both of us were excited. With his family’s affluence, he was able to book a place quickly, and the date was set. At 6.30pm, an hour before the wedding, I was getting ready in a room. I put on my wedding gown. It was a gorgeous strapless white gown with the dress shorter in front (about shin level) and longer at the back (barely touching the floor). There were blood-red designs boldly embroidered on the gown and a red sash highlighting the waist. The dress feels like a fairy tale. I needed to finish it with makeup.

I was still hesitant about marrying him. I love him very much. But I wasn’t sure about something… Perhaps I was hesitant about the entire concept of a married life. The clock was ticking away. At 7.25pm, I finally decided that I would marry. It was then I realized that I did not have my eyeliner. I desperately needed one because I reasoned that I wanted to look my best for pictures on my only wedding. I asked my bridesmaid for one. My bridesmaid had to ask around. I started to panic, and ran down the stairs. I ran into some distant relatives who told me that I am going to be late for my wedding. I assured them that I will there on time. My bridesmaid found me a brown eyeliner. I was having second thoughts about my wedding, again. At 7.29pm, I was certain about marrying. I put on my makeup and ran.

I realized that people would be able to see my shoes, so I needed my heels, which I did not bring with me. I had to run home (in Yishun, Singapore). Halfway there, I realized that I would be too late. So I ran toward my wedding, except I do not remember where it was. I ran toward the community center, thinking that it would be there. When I got there, the wedding was not there. I ran outside, and asked my dad where my wedding is. He told me it was outside Crystal Jade. It was across the field. I ran. The few guests left were leaving the place. I looked at the clock: 1.30pm. I was an hour late to my own wedding (I realize the time difference in retrospect).

My groom was sitting in the hall of empty tables, with his back to me. I walked towards him. He was starring into empty space. He was holding a young girl in his left arm. She was the girl who has been eying my fiancé for a long time. I felt sick in the stomach. Next to the girl sat my father. Across from my fiancé was his “chor-chor” (great-grandmother). I walked closer. I saw his face: an older face with a mustache. It was older than I remembered. I touched his right arm. He did not respond. Ignoring everyone else, I knelt down next to him and cried. He continued to stare blankly, not acknowledging my presence. He must have felt betrayed and shamed, for leaving him bride-less to deal with the relatives. I could not even ask for forgiveness, though I was desperately wishing for it. It was difficult to explain what I did and whatever I said would sound like nothing but excuses. Yet I was hoping that he would understand. I was hoping that my nose would bleed, then he would understand. And then my nose bled.

I was ill. I was struggling whether to live a selfish but happy life with him, or to leave him a free man to pursue his own happiness. I chose to be selfish. Seeing the blood, my fiancé immediately freed his left arm of the girl and cradled my face in his hands. He knelt next to me and supported me with his right arm, his eyes never leaving my face. He asked me what was wrong. I did not need to answer. He understood. I thought it was fortunate that there were already splashes of red on my wedding dress, so drops of blood would go unnoticed on the dress.

Getting me seated, he talked to his chor-chor in private. He told her about my illness and he said he wanted to take care of me, as my husband. He asked chor-chor for permission. Chor-chor has always liked me, so she agreed. We wanted to call the relatives to return to the wedding, but most people were busy with something else. We married in the witness of those who were able to attend our belated wedding.

My husband nursed me with care and love. We were able to live a happy married life.