Dream Episode - Will You Marry Me

Day of dream: 26 December 2011 night

I was getting married, although I for some reason, I was hesitant. It was my boyfriend’s rushed decision. My boyfriend proposed that we get married immediately and I agreed. Both of us were excited. With his family’s affluence, he was able to book a place quickly, and the date was set. At 6.30pm, an hour before the wedding, I was getting ready in a room. I put on my wedding gown. It was a gorgeous strapless white gown with the dress shorter in front (about shin level) and longer at the back (barely touching the floor). There were blood-red designs boldly embroidered on the gown and a red sash highlighting the waist. The dress feels like a fairy tale. I needed to finish it with makeup.

I was still hesitant about marrying him. I love him very much. But I wasn’t sure about something… Perhaps I was hesitant about the entire concept of a married life. The clock was ticking away. At 7.25pm, I finally decided that I would marry. It was then I realized that I did not have my eyeliner. I desperately needed one because I reasoned that I wanted to look my best for pictures on my only wedding. I asked my bridesmaid for one. My bridesmaid had to ask around. I started to panic, and ran down the stairs. I ran into some distant relatives who told me that I am going to be late for my wedding. I assured them that I will there on time. My bridesmaid found me a brown eyeliner. I was having second thoughts about my wedding, again. At 7.29pm, I was certain about marrying. I put on my makeup and ran.

I realized that people would be able to see my shoes, so I needed my heels, which I did not bring with me. I had to run home (in Yishun, Singapore). Halfway there, I realized that I would be too late. So I ran toward my wedding, except I do not remember where it was. I ran toward the community center, thinking that it would be there. When I got there, the wedding was not there. I ran outside, and asked my dad where my wedding is. He told me it was outside Crystal Jade. It was across the field. I ran. The few guests left were leaving the place. I looked at the clock: 1.30pm. I was an hour late to my own wedding (I realize the time difference in retrospect).

My groom was sitting in the hall of empty tables, with his back to me. I walked towards him. He was starring into empty space. He was holding a young girl in his left arm. She was the girl who has been eying my fiancé for a long time. I felt sick in the stomach. Next to the girl sat my father. Across from my fiancé was his “chor-chor” (great-grandmother). I walked closer. I saw his face: an older face with a mustache. It was older than I remembered. I touched his right arm. He did not respond. Ignoring everyone else, I knelt down next to him and cried. He continued to stare blankly, not acknowledging my presence. He must have felt betrayed and shamed, for leaving him bride-less to deal with the relatives. I could not even ask for forgiveness, though I was desperately wishing for it. It was difficult to explain what I did and whatever I said would sound like nothing but excuses. Yet I was hoping that he would understand. I was hoping that my nose would bleed, then he would understand. And then my nose bled.

I was ill. I was struggling whether to live a selfish but happy life with him, or to leave him a free man to pursue his own happiness. I chose to be selfish. Seeing the blood, my fiancé immediately freed his left arm of the girl and cradled my face in his hands. He knelt next to me and supported me with his right arm, his eyes never leaving my face. He asked me what was wrong. I did not need to answer. He understood. I thought it was fortunate that there were already splashes of red on my wedding dress, so drops of blood would go unnoticed on the dress.

Getting me seated, he talked to his chor-chor in private. He told her about my illness and he said he wanted to take care of me, as my husband. He asked chor-chor for permission. Chor-chor has always liked me, so she agreed. We wanted to call the relatives to return to the wedding, but most people were busy with something else. We married in the witness of those who were able to attend our belated wedding.

My husband nursed me with care and love. We were able to live a happy married life.