Monday, January 23, 2012
A charming man in his mid-thirties (?) was her boyfriend. As a dutiful girlfriend, she cleaned and cooked, and looked after his young children. He was often cold and distant, but he would always call if he needed help. Tough love, but it was love.
One evening, she got a text from him to go over to his house immediately. She was excited! She had not seen him in a long time and cannot wait to see him. She imagined an evening with the family, and a night of love-making after putting the children to bed. She packed her stuff in her tote and went over.
When she arrived at the door, the small apartment was a mess. The children were crying and screaming. The bed she imagined them bonding in was disgusting. She made a mental note to wash the linen the next morning. She put down her stuff and climbed onto the bed, despite being disgusted but the sweat-smell of the linen, and guided her man to make out and snuggle on the bed. The man struggled out of her gentle hold. He instructed her to do the laundry and take care of the children, make them stop screaming and crying because he needed to write.
She sat on the bed, stupefied. She finally realized that he was using her merely as a housemaid. He wouldn’t even have sex with her. Seeing things clearly, she stood up, picked up her bag and walked toward the door. She turned around, faced the stunned man and told him to call him when he needed a girlfriend and not a housemaid. She left without looking back.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
There was a concert going on, possibly related to Christianity and/or the life of Jesus. I got the student-rush ticket, the most expensive category for the first-row seats. The seats are right in front of the stage facing the audience. To see the concert, I would have to turn around. When the show was starting, the front two facing the stage was not yet occupied. I moved over. The concert started. Actors young and old got on stage. The children were holding flimsy cardboard signs. There was the impression that there were too many people on stage.
After a short performance of 15 minutes, the show stopped, supposedly for intermission. As everyone stood to leave for a break, the director got on stage and dismissed everyone, explaining that the show is cancelled because she had planned the show for a much bigger stage than that one. Discontent filled the air…
Day of dream: 26 December 2011 night
I was getting married, although I for some reason, I was hesitant. It was my boyfriend’s rushed decision. My boyfriend proposed that we get married immediately and I agreed. Both of us were excited. With his family’s affluence, he was able to book a place quickly, and the date was set. At 6.30pm, an hour before the wedding, I was getting ready in a room. I put on my wedding gown. It was a gorgeous strapless white gown with the dress shorter in front (about shin level) and longer at the back (barely touching the floor). There were blood-red designs boldly embroidered on the gown and a red sash highlighting the waist. The dress feels like a fairy tale. I needed to finish it with makeup.
I was still hesitant about marrying him. I love him very much. But I wasn’t sure about something… Perhaps I was hesitant about the entire concept of a married life. The clock was ticking away. At 7.25pm, I finally decided that I would marry. It was then I realized that I did not have my eyeliner. I desperately needed one because I reasoned that I wanted to look my best for pictures on my only wedding. I asked my bridesmaid for one. My bridesmaid had to ask around. I started to panic, and ran down the stairs. I ran into some distant relatives who told me that I am going to be late for my wedding. I assured them that I will there on time. My bridesmaid found me a brown eyeliner. I was having second thoughts about my wedding, again. At 7.29pm, I was certain about marrying. I put on my makeup and ran.
I realized that people would be able to see my shoes, so I needed my heels, which I did not bring with me. I had to run home (in Yishun, Singapore). Halfway there, I realized that I would be too late. So I ran toward my wedding, except I do not remember where it was. I ran toward the community center, thinking that it would be there. When I got there, the wedding was not there. I ran outside, and asked my dad where my wedding is. He told me it was outside Crystal Jade. It was across the field. I ran. The few guests left were leaving the place. I looked at the clock: 1.30pm. I was an hour late to my own wedding (I realize the time difference in retrospect).
My groom was sitting in the hall of empty tables, with his back to me. I walked towards him. He was starring into empty space. He was holding a young girl in his left arm. She was the girl who has been eying my fiancé for a long time. I felt sick in the stomach. Next to the girl sat my father. Across from my fiancé was his “chor-chor” (great-grandmother). I walked closer. I saw his face: an older face with a mustache. It was older than I remembered. I touched his right arm. He did not respond. Ignoring everyone else, I knelt down next to him and cried. He continued to stare blankly, not acknowledging my presence. He must have felt betrayed and shamed, for leaving him bride-less to deal with the relatives. I could not even ask for forgiveness, though I was desperately wishing for it. It was difficult to explain what I did and whatever I said would sound like nothing but excuses. Yet I was hoping that he would understand. I was hoping that my nose would bleed, then he would understand. And then my nose bled.
I was ill. I was struggling whether to live a selfish but happy life with him, or to leave him a free man to pursue his own happiness. I chose to be selfish. Seeing the blood, my fiancé immediately freed his left arm of the girl and cradled my face in his hands. He knelt next to me and supported me with his right arm, his eyes never leaving my face. He asked me what was wrong. I did not need to answer. He understood. I thought it was fortunate that there were already splashes of red on my wedding dress, so drops of blood would go unnoticed on the dress.Getting me seated, he talked to his chor-chor in private. He told her about my illness and he said he wanted to take care of me, as my husband. He asked chor-chor for permission. Chor-chor has always liked me, so she agreed. We wanted to call the relatives to return to the wedding, but most people were busy with something else. We married in the witness of those who were able to attend our belated wedding.
My husband nursed me with care and love. We were able to live a happy married life.
Monday, December 12, 2011
It was a simple room, with a small simple desk in the middle. The desk was crowded with the lawyer, the bride, the groom, a parent (possibly father) of the bride, and a few other people. The groom's strong built (reminds me of Alec) fits him nicely into his tux. They were signing the papers. It was certain that there was attraction between the bride and the groom, but somehow it felt more like a business deal than a blissful union of two people.
The groom bought an expensive watch for the bride. It costs $5300++, about the cost of an estate (it was a long time ago, when money was worth much more than it does now). It came with a certificate of authenticity. It was then that someone (possibly the father of the bride) mentioned that the company that made the watch is in troubled waters. Upon hearing that, the groom read the certificate closely. It stated that their watches are top-notch quality, but any watches that are purchased after a certain date is not worth much. Since the groom purchased the watch after that date...
The lost of value of the watch did not bother the party for long. The party continued with its merriment. The groom (easily) lifted the bride and carried her around...
I was outside a bar, looking in. A group of friends was celebrating someone's birthday. I went inside. The bar was plain, with concrete walls and floor. It looked as if a basement emerged from underground, invited a few people in, and called itself a bar. The birthday boy was standing against the farthest wall, facing all his friends. I knew the him: Cody. We would meet later, and we would fall in love.
I stood to the side between him and his friends. I stared at him, taking in his youth, his smile, and his every word. It was weird to see your love before he knew you. So blissfully weird. They raised their glasses and I raised mine, he turned and looked at me. I smiled. When we meet later, he would know me and I would not know him. He would say that he recognized my smile, and I would have no idea what he was talking about.
The party was over and everyone left. I left too. I needed to take a bus from Main street, but I don't know which direction to go. I turned right. After a few blocks, it did not seem right. I turned around and returned to the bar, stood around trying to figure out my way before giving in to ask for directions. Turned out I was walking in the opposite direction.
Marriage with Cody was a wreck. We were in love, but something was wrong. He was dying...
I knew I shouldn't have interfered with the past. I shouldn't have visited him in the bar in the past. I shouldn't have let him recognize me. We fell in love faster. We took the shortcut. Now our time together was cut short as well.
I retraced my steps. I started with what I should not have done. I should not have talked to Cody. Standing in front of him, I will myself to not have done what I did in that past. With every will, I was moved backwards, and my footsteps on the carpet faded to undo my deeds.
He would not recognize my smile later in his life...
At the marriage desk, the groom was sitting across from me. We were about to sign the papers at the witness of the lawyer, who is sitting at the head of the desk, and the best-man, who is sitting next to the groom. I took the pen, before I signed it, I looked up and saw that the best-man was Cody. Then I knew... And I signed the papers to marry my groom.
I knew that this marriage would fail. And when it does, Cody will be there for me. This was the way we were suppose to meet and fell in love. This was the correct way to begin our journey together.
Notes: I recently read the Time Traveler's Wife.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Like all my recent dreams, many parts of the dream are fuzzy. But this I remember...
It was Mary Catherine's wedding, and we (some of my high school schoolmates) were all invited! I went into the first hall, a food hall with long tables and benches and chairs. It was crowded. I took a seat and looked around. Then I noticed Yuheng and Weichao was sitting about a table away from me. I moved over. I sat there for a bit while they ate.
Suddenly everyone was moving. We went over to the next hall, a rectangular hall with a pool that took up more than half the room. Some people slid into the pool while others stood and watch. I deliberated for a moment, and then went to the locker room next door to change into something that I didn't mind getting wet in. Like the pool room and the dining hall, the locker room was packed.
After changing, I returned to the pool room. A beautiful lady, dressed in the Victorian style, approached me and I could see her up close. Her delicate face was dotted with cream-colored pearls such that she looks like an upper class circus member.
I slid into the pool, and kept my head above the water, until I sank a little bit. The water was glistening. I dived a little and saw that the deep pool was dotted with pearls, like the Victorian lady. I stayed close to the edge of the pool. People commented on the glow of the pool water, and I told them about the pearls. More people jumped in to see for themselves. One of them took a camera to take pictures underwater. Upon seeing that, one dry person took out his/her camera and took a photo. I wanted to take a picture to but my camera cannot get wet. So I took my camera and made sure it's above the water (I was treading water such that most of my upper body is out of the water). I took several snapshots but they didn't look too great.
I gave up, passed the camera to a friend/stranger on the shore, and admired the pearls on the walls of the pool. There are big pearls and small pearls. One of the people close to the shore asked if there were really pearls. I picked one out for the soft pool wall to show it to them. It was a tiny black pearl. I immediately grew attached to it. Upon closer inspection, it is shaped like a camera. They passed it around. But I think they lost it eventually. It might be rolling around the floor and being crushed by a casual step...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A lot went on in this dream, but I only remembered this part:
I was in a laboratory. It looked like my room in Marianist Hall, only much bigger without furniture. The room was white and pale gray, with shallow grooves all over the floor. We were trying to solve a problem. We have a mouse-sphere thing and we are trying to separate them. We decided to put the mouse-sphere thing in one of the tunnel in the floor, let it roll to a cubic groove at the end. When the mouse-sphere is rolling, we will put a kitten to chase it down the tunnel. The kitten will then scratch on the mouse-sphere. Given enough scratches, the mouse and sphere will separate.
We tried it with a black kitten. But before the mouse can be separated from the sphere, the kitten scratch so much that both the mouse-sphere and the kitten are about to get out of the cubic groove. We tried it several times. Every time, the kitten behaved exactly like before. Each time the procedure failed, the mouse-sphere resets such that all previous efforts were wasted. We decided that we need another solution.
I thought the problem is that the groove is not deep enough to contain the cat and its scratching. So I found a box. I put a colored block in it to lure the kitten, then placed the mouse-sphere in it. Then i realized that I do not need the colored block, so I took it out. The box was ready.
I was about the grab the kitten, which is now clawed to the blinds. It seemed agitated, perhaps due to the multiple trials that we put it through...
Saturday, November 26, 2011
We were at the dojo practicing our martial arts moves. There was a guy and a couple of girls. I didn't know any of them. The girls were practicing their forms and the guy decided to challenge me to sparring. I agreed. Junbi, Sejak! He seemed really aggressive and I was suddenly afraid. I turned and ran. There was a zen garden in the dojo, with huge smooth stones forming a small mountain. I ran up the mountain and decided that I am too slow. So I turned around and faced him.
I think there might be a dragonfly somewhere.
After training, we went to our open lockers to get changed and pack up. Everyone was chatting. The guy told us that his family name was Japanese. The character is "忍" with "刺" (he meant the left side of that word). I didn't know what that word was but I though I have seen it before. (I don't think that word exists.)
Friday, November 25, 2011
Elaine Phua and her mother were visiting. We decided to pack and bags and visit Canada. A good guy friend of mine came with us.
At the international customs, me and my friend got through the customs first. Elaine and her mother went together. Waiting on the other side of the border, we watched as Elaine's mother was stopped and warned that she cannot return to the US once she crossed the border because she does not have the necessary visa. It then occurred to me that I forgot to bring my I-90 (or similar document that allows me to re-enter the US). I was worried for a minute and then immediately decided that there's nothing much to be done then. Elaine's mother decided to cross the border anyway and will figure out where to go from there...
Part 2 of the dream:
I was on a big long bridge (one of those bridges in the city), and I saw John and Erhan Justice. I waved to them and we exclaimed at the life chances. I said how coincidental to meet them on the bridge when I have yet been able to visit them in Cleveland.